Thursday, October 25, 2007
have a sudden feeling
its the feeling of loneliness
the whole house is so quiet
noone is at home
im all alone
mummy and daddy wont be home till midnight i guess
for they went for some wedding dinner
viral infection
doc said that my lymph nodes are swollen
whatever that is, i dont really care
all i know is it hurts big time!
headed to the doc alone
it seemed like i am becoming more independent
in the past, going to the doc alone was a NO-NO for me
mummy doesnt even know i am unwell
and i haven even seen them at all today
felt so detached from the family out of a sudden
probably these are the feelings you will have when you're feeling lonely
the feeling whereby you sit in front of the lappie
having your phone next to you, and yet there isnt anyone you wished for text you really sucked
anticipated for your replies the entire day
but it seemed so slow, little
have you forgotten all about me?
have you been fully devoted to your job that i am slowly neglected
i sometimes wonder if this is really the right decision for you
maybe it is to you, but definately not the right one in my opinion
chinatown pal recommended me to a new PT job
am still considering
still having the struggle when it comes to leaving GV
afterall, thats my first proper part-time job
the place where i earned my first pay
the place i stayed for more than a year
the place i met so many nice people who taught me so much
the place whereby i joined because of you
decisions are usually hard to make for humans are often indecisive
i admit that i am one myself
this week has been pretty rough for me
for the different things that took place
be it in school, at home or even thoughts that are running thru my mind
i feel like i am bottling all these feelings all by myself and i still have to be the bubbly yanqi that many people sees in me
the girl who only knows how to smile and laugh and anything she sees
is getting tougher each day
trying not to be bothered by what happened at home
but i simply cant for i do care about my family
and it hurts to see her acting so strong when she is not
its only week two in school
lessons-wise, its all alrite
but i am really feeling the stress coming to me for projects
i simply dont know how much longer i can stand
i might flare up at him one day
but i am still trying to control
i am thinking of you as i am pinning down my thoughts now
however, are you doing the same while you're happily at work?
i really wonder..
having a strong urge to cry
and let everything that is in me flow out
probably i will feel better
there is noone i could turn to for all these problems
all i can do is to just talk to my lappie by blogging all these down
i am feeling so sleepy after the medication
but i wanna wait for mummy to be home
misses her presence out of a sudden
the smile of mine is fading away
iqnayanqi left @ 10:08 PM
